How To Educate Your Kid About Sex

My older daughter is almost 12. She is growing up and her interests change. One new topic for her is sex.

One time we started talking about sex and I discovered that kids in that age already discuss it but no one really has a clue. They are guessing and making up theories which are mostly wrong.

Adults think that younger generations know a lot about sex - they watch movies, they take sexual education classes in schools, they read magazines. Still a lot of answers can't be found that way and adults should help. This is how it should be:

1. Shyness: Don't impose this subject to your kid. Kid should find a time and place to pop the question. It's important to let them know we're available and open for such conversations. Only if you suspect there's something going on which is improper to their age, you should interfere and help them handle that situation.

2. Contraceptives: If you give enough information to your kids about contraception chances are they will use them when they grow up.

3. Values: Don't give yes/no answers with bare facts. You should explain about tenderness, love, security and loyalty. They need solid foundations for sexual relationships.

4. Privacy: Don't read their diaries, e-mails and don't eavesdrop their phone conversations. That will lead to loss of confidence in you. For kids in that age, it's important to have someone they can talk to. It's better to talk first then to make mistakes.

How To Avoid Arguments With Kids

Are you familiar with situations when you say one thing and your kid wants the other? I go through this every day. I can say I'm fully qualified master of arguments...

My kids often use "exhaustion of opponent" tactics, and that opponent would be me. They demand something multiple times even if my first answer is negative. Especially my younger daughter. She enters the argument very prepared, with all guns blazing and disregarding all opposing arguments.

I do my best to stick to my first decision. I give answers which contain both my decision and a reason behind that decision thus leaving no space for misunderstanding. As soon as kids recognize hesitation in your voice - you are doomed. Then they attack with all available weapons including tears and blackmail...

To avoid these situations I defined three kinds of bans:
1. negotiable things (first the kid has to do something)
2. non-negotiable things (they know that even tears wouldn't help)
3. mid-negotiable things (on which I don't insist too much, like bedtime and PC usage)

Sometimes I don't have time or will to listen to their "strong" reasoning but nevertheless I'm fascinated with the way they present their arguments. They mastered basic diplomatic principles at such young age. That's the main reason why I emphasize discussions where they can understand my opposition.


One thing I know for sure: they are getting better at this every day. That's why I keep in shape...

Three Rules For Pupils Parents

My older daughter is in fifth grade. There weren't many problems with studying but sometimes she needs some stimulation.

1. Learn with the kid: From the first day in school I tried to keep up. Starting with alphabet, math basics to vegetative organs of plants. I try to find out about interesting things that go on in school, we go through her notes and books, discuss lessons... Kids in that age appreciate parents interest in what they do.

2. Learning through games: We browse dictionaries for unknown words. It isn't important if you know the word yourself - it's very interesting for your kid. We play "geography" game, where I suggest a letter from the alphabet and she remembers the names of states, rivers and mountains that start with that letter. We read newspapers together and discuss whatever grabs her attention.


3. Rest: We allocated two hours for serious learning sessions and homework, one hour for recreation (skating, roller skating, bicycle riding...) and the rest of the time is her own. My daughter agreed with that arrangement. She figured out that when she is finished studying she can freely do whatever she wants later.

My way works and the grades in school prove it. You can also try it!

Creating Kid's Working Habits

Working habits are very important, especially when your kid starts going to school. Because of that, I started preparing my kids at very young age.

1. Helping kids to organize themselves: I made a mistake because I let them organize themselves. I relized that the kid's priorities are "a little bit" different then those of grown-ups. They want to write a diary to call their friends... Studying was the last on their list. When we realized that grades are not as good as they should be we made a different listo of priorities.

2. List of duties: We made clear what are the priorities. Then we have put that on paper and made that paper visible in their room. There were problems at the beginning for them to fulfill all that was written. They tried to trick me but I was persistent. And stronger. Now, everyting is fine.

3. Studying corner: Studying corner is for studying and for putting away things for school. In drawers of my older kid there were a buch of stuff besides school items. Pictures of Brad Pitt, broken toys, empty bags of chips and chocolates. At first I just warned her to clean that up and when that didn't work I changed approach. I deliberately entered her room while she was in. I started cleanding her desk. In the process I "incidentally" stumbled across private diaries, pieces of papers with names of her friends etc. Then she realized that it's much better for her to clean up herself. Then the secrets reamin secrets.

4. Place to put toys away: At first, toys were scattered all acros thir room. And I mean ALL acrros their room. I was a feat to walk through their room at night and not step on any toy and make loud noises. Putting the toys away made it to the list of priorities. They must put away all toys before going to bed. They put their toys in a closet. To keep order in that closet is too much to ask, though.

5. Cleaning day: Once a month, a whole family gathers in our kid's room and clean up. All toys that are broken beyond repair go to garbage can. We also try to classify the toys. It's not important that toys are mixed up by the evening.

6. Keeping schedule: Lunch is at 1 PM, studying from 2 PM to 4 PM etc. Kids learn to manage their time when they have fixed schedule. This schedule also gives them selfconfidence which is very important for kids.

7. Praise: I commend all cooperation attempts coming from my kids, no matter how small they are. It means a lot to them because they are helping their mom. There is hope that someday it will become a habit for them.

All in all, this is my way of raising kids. I'll be glad if this post is of any help to you.

Kids Quarrels

Quarrels among kids of same or different age groups are normal and are a part of everyday life. They are even necessary because kids estimate their strength that way. It's a rule of thumb not to get involved because kids will settle it themselves.

On the other hand, it's required that you are nearby prepared to intervene when needed. I write this from my personal experience because I witness everyday "war" between my two daughters. One is 11 and the other one is 4 years old. No matter the age difference, they always find disagreement points. Those points are completely different but the outcome is the same - quarrel and sometimes even fighting.

When fighting occurs I try to have a discussion with one kid at the time. It's a good way to find out what's going on. The kids also appreciate to have their mom just for themselves. It's the easiest way to settle things and to overcome problems.

I let them find the compromise for themselves. I get involved when arguments go on for a longer period of time. It's good to let them manage the situation because there will be times when parents are not around and they need to learn how to deal with those situations.

I try very hard not to be on anyones side. If I would do that, the conflict would only escalate. If a kid feels threatened the attacks become harder.

I always point out the good things in their relationship, the fact that they have each other unlike the single kids who miss a company. Good strategy is to point out qualities of the other kid. Younger one is creative and older one is an expert for "Barbie" and "Bratz".

Only time when my involvement is really necessary is when they start insulting each other. I don't allow that. They are instantly grounded when insults start to fly. I believe that no problem is big enough to be settled that way.

After quarrels are over we try to get to the bottom of things. We search for the cause of conflict. It's that time when both of them are calm and we can speak nicely.

We had an agreement: next time they decide to quarrel there will be no insults, to remember how much they mean to each other. If they can't settle things they should go to different rooms while they calm down.

They need to respect each other. That's what I'm trying to accomplish.

Maybe this is not the best way to overcome the differences but it works in my family. Please give me your advice on handling kids quarrels in the comments section of this post.

Recipe: Christmas Tree Cake

Here's a recipe which is perfect for socializing with your kids.

Christmas tree cake ingredients:

20 lady's fingers

125 g margarine

1 whipped cream

100g cooking chocolate

1 cup of milk

100 g ground sugar

M&M candy (or similar)

2 egg yolks

Preparation:

Step 1: 10 lady's fingers dip into sweetened milk and arrange in Christmas tree shape (like on the picture)

Step 2: Whisk margarine and ground sugar, add two egg yolks and whisk some more. Add melted cooking chocolate and whisk. When this mixtures is smooth, spread it on the arranged lady's fingers.

Step 3: Arrange 10 lady's fingers on top like in step 1.

Step 5: Prepare whipped cream and spread it over second layer of lady's fingers.

Step 6: Arrange M&M candy on top. Put the cake in the fridge for a while.

And, finally, don't forget to clean your mixer!

How to Manage Kids of Big Age Gap?

Have you ever been in a situation where older kid has to study and you can’t keep control over the younger one? That was happening to me all the time. Age difference between my daughters is seven years.

It was hard in the beginning. When older one sits to study at the same time the younger one dropped in and starts taking pens, notebooks, writing on the books. After that starts the scramble, tears, shouting and everyone was loosing it.

Younger children are copying older brothers and sisters. There weren’t any other solution but to give the younger one her own homework.

She got her own pencils, notebooks, coloring pens and we allocated studying time for her. Then, there was order in out house. Older daughter finally could study undisturbed and younger one was proud that she became “big”.

Unfortunately that doesn’t work every time. I have to resort to other tricks. One of them is “little helper” in the kitchen. It doesn’t involve any real involvement in food preparation.

Kid will be satisfied if she is allowed to “cook” her rubber toys in small pot. If you add to the mix some foam and a sponge, she’ll be delighted.

Other suggestion is to mix small amount of paste with flour and water. Show the kid how to make various shapes of it. Success is guaranteed.

Those were only some of possibilities you can employ. I believe you can easily get your own ideas how to make things work. Just be creative.

I still haven’t figured out how to deal with the cat, though…